After living 35 years on this Earth and experiencing several relationships, I’ve spent a lot of time chasing the idea of the perfect partnership. I’ve read countless articles on relationships, trying to find the one-size-fits-all solution. Now, I’m writing this article based on my personal experiences to share the most accurate and practical advice I can offer. This isn’t just another generic relationship guide—this is a perspective born from real-life lessons. While you may not agree with everything I say, I hope my insights can help improve your relationship if you choose to apply them.
Many relationship articles focus on expectations, but few truly delve into the heart of understanding relationships. After reflecting on my own experiences and hearing countless stories from others, I’ve come to realize that understanding the dynamics of a relationship is far more important than simply knowing what to expect from it.
What Is a Relationship?
A relationship is not something that can be easily defined. It is a dynamic, evolving bond between individuals, and it varies from person to person. For example, if Person M123 enters a relationship with F111, it may result in a successful partnership. However, if the same M123 enters a relationship with F321, the outcome may be very different. Relationships don’t follow a single, fixed formula.
Most relationship advice tends to focus on general principles like communication, being understanding, or being there for each other. While these are all valuable aspects, the real question is when and how to apply them. Rather than following rigid advice, the key is to understand the unique dynamics of your specific relationship so that you can naturally apply what’s needed in any given situation.
Consider two contrasting examples: One couple argues constantly for years, yet when asked if they would ever leave, they are genuinely surprised by the question. They never even considered ending the relationship. On the other hand, you may know a couple that has been together for over a decade, only to suddenly decide to divorce because they grew too comfortable and bored with each other.
These examples show that no relationship is “perfect” by the standards of relationship articles, yet both relationships have worked in their own way. This made me realize that a deeper understanding of relationships rather than merely following conventional advice is essential. If you’re still unsure about the points I’m making, I encourage you to read this again.
What Makes a Relationship Work?
A successful relationship is built on understanding—not just understanding your partner, but understanding the relationship itself. Many people mistakenly focus solely on understanding their partner and lose themselves in the process. It’s important to recognize that every relationship is unique, and comparing one to another often leads to frustration.
When we fail to see that each relationship is its own entity, we tend to bring baggage from past experiences into new ones. We might repeat mistakes from previous relationships, even though those relationships ended for a reason. No matter how much you believe your past relationship wasn’t your fault, it’s essential to recognize that both partners contribute to the outcome. Ego can often cloud our judgment and prevent us from seeing our own role in the failure.
To make a new relationship work, it’s crucial to approach it with fresh eyes and not bring in the weight of past experiences. Treat each relationship as unique, and you’ll be better equipped to navigate the challenges it presents.
How to Maintain a Relationship
Maintaining a relationship requires more than following generic advice. Once you understand that each relationship is unique, the next step is to act in a way that suits the specific needs of your relationship. There is no one-size-fits-all solution.
For instance, some partners value communication and understanding, while others may prioritize action over words. Some may not care about appearances, appreciating you for who you truly are. Others may not see kindness as a priority, believing that it’s an unnecessary effort. The point is that advice that works for one person may not work for another. It’s crucial to tailor your actions to your partner’s needs, rather than blindly following advice that doesn’t apply to your situation.
I’m not suggesting that you ignore general relationship principles like being kind or communicative. Rather, I’m emphasizing that the key to a healthy relationship is to understand your partner’s unique needs and respond accordingly. If you blindly apply all the advice you read without understanding the nuances of your relationship, you risk burnout and frustration.
At the end of the day, only you truly understand your relationship. No one else can tell you what to do. You are the best judge of what works and what doesn’t.
My Final Thoughts
Many people know what they need to do to improve their relationships, but pride and ego often get in the way. As a result, they blame their partner for any issues that arise, even after the relationship ends. It’s important to recognize that when a relationship fails, it’s rarely one-sided. Both partners contribute to the dynamic, and the key to growth is understanding the relationship itself—not just focusing on individual personalities.
I hope that this article has provided you with some clarity. If you’ve taken away just one key point, I’m happy. The essence of a successful relationship lies in understanding—not just your partner, but the relationship itself.